found. 

“nothing else matters now youre not here. so where are you? i been callin you. i been missin you.”
i think about you. more than i should. i miss the taste of your words and the feel of your t-shirts againts my bare skin. ive called. but i think that im scared to hear your voice again. when the richness runs into my ears it will swallow my heart again. i cant miss you anymore. 

“where else can i go? chasing you?” 

i know your knees tremble when youre nervous. and you sleep on your left side. i know you cried after your mom drove off and how little credit you give yourself. i dont need to chase you, you live inside my head. i packed your bags awhile ago. i think its time for you to leave. 

“memories turn to dust. please dont bury us. i got you.” 

i dont remember who i was before i was yours. but i know that you were never mine. i tucked each word you gave me into a sacred cabinet. cherished. because it was from you. because it was ours. but in reality you didnt care to remember a single sentence i gave you. i got you. for months i had you. i built your ego and encouraged your talent. i brought you out of your shell. and you gave me sweet nothings and broken promises. 

“i aint runnin from myself no more. im ready to face it all” 

im tired. im tired of missing the love that i slaved over. the work i put in. the time i wasted. when did i start fighting for you? you fought to keep me. thats how we started. before i let you take the lead. im tired of putting you ahead of myself. its time i took charge of my life, without you. because i know that i am worth fighting for. and that i dont want to fight to be yours anymore. i want to be mine. 

“if i lose myself i lose it all” 

when you left i didnt lose you. i lost myself. i will never allow that happen again. 

(lyrics accredited to Naughty Boy, Beyoncé & Arrow Benjamin “Runnin'”)  

I Won’t Mind..

“I won’t mind that you’ll never be mine”

Wow. In the swift breeze of a single sentence the author demonstrates the amount of courage it takes to step back and admire someone from a distance. To have such an abundance of love and respect for a single person you make the unbearable decision to let go of the possibility that their heart will ever belong to you. It’s almost as if he is saying: thank you for existing so effortlessly beautiful, thank you for allowing the simple variances of your day to intertwine with my life, thank you for doing whatever you did that was so powerful you swept me off my feet, your actions caused me to be embodied in this surreal power of love and for that I thank you. “I won’t mind that you’ll never be mine” displays the simplicity of appreciating the age old adage of if you love me, let me go.

In some situations the best thing to do is admire the severity of your feelings for each other. Can you love someone whose intentions for you have changed so rapidly you don’t recognize them? Acknowledge that there  are people in this world who you can no longer make happy. Understand that there are past lovers existing happily with out your smile or your laugh.There will always be people that we miss whom have completely forgotten about us. Its only human. This is the time to be strong. Realize how much more you are worth than someone who doesn’t need the sunshine of your smile in their life. How much more you deserve than someone who is not concerned about how your Mom’s surgery went or how you last final turned out. In order to forget, one must accept being forgotten.

However, maybe you did love each other but the circumstances of your lives forbid you from indulging in that true happiness. When this occurs, this is the time to be ever stronger. Accept your love for them, appreciate it, allow yourself to feel it. And then finally release it; release them. Because true love is accepting the other persons needs and putting them over your own. True love is seeing someone you love with another person and being grateful that they found someone to complete them, the way they completed you. Sometimes, love is simply not enough. A mother can love her baby, but appreciate someone else can give him the life he deserves. A husband can love his wife, but realize that he does not fill her heart anymore. I can love individuals whose minds I will never cross again. Because I won’t mind that they will never be mine.

Love Always,

Bay